Title says it all…. just up to them where to categorize their names. As for me, I only have few I consider genuine…

• two have gone to heaven
• two in the land of milk and honey
• one is a sister
• one is currently marking the South as a new territory
• one is happily in love and married with perfectly cute kids
• one that’s easily forgotten but will appear out of nowhere when you need him and even if you don’t
• one making a name of her own from dust to podium
• one that has risen from the mud puddles and has built a castle of her own
• one has been named ‘IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” and does not want to be called for that purpose again
• one that I just know I can depend on, crack a joke with, mock and be totally confident that he wont get hurt because he will sure poke my eyes when given the right opportunity and ask sensible answers to important questions with my fingers crossed
• one that has given me an angel
• one that has given me too much headache, time, care and love

I pride myself with these people who stuck with me through thick and thin, who gave way to me not because i bullied them but because they trusted me that I mean well, who cried with me because they know I need someone to support me and not yap when I feel so down, who were “PRESENT” in their own special way because they know distance is never a reason but an alibi, who accepted me the way I accepted who they were, who saw more than meets the eye… and who will always be part of my life until the very end.

So who needs someone who can’t equal these people? Not me.

I know… its still wayyyyy early. I kinda like it when I am not the only one excited about the idea of meeting once again. It already feels Chrismassy that more people are actually looking forward to very happy times with each other’s company. My creative juice starts to flow right off my mind, wanting to be drawn onto my organizer. But not just yet…. I am going to wait ’til I see every sign I need to see in order for me to avoid as much hassles that might come along the way.

Now my head is swarmed with a lot of things… Gabby’s school ( Oh yes, my little darling is now going to his own school! ), the apartment I am eyeing, the prospective business and clients, work , my plants ( I so love them already!) , friends whom I are beginning to see again and a promising future.  These are the things which makes me stay focus on thinking positive rather than dwell on the rotten facts of my life.

Six more months…. but I guess I should be thanking God for the early presents I am already receiving. The thrill is just too hard to ignore. 

everything is possible!

Of course, when I said it was successful, I claimed it partly because that gathering was my brainchild. Truthfully, although I have legged half the work and planning of that event, I would not consider it as well-thought and as organized as I would have had it, if I’ll have it my way.  Both my common sense and my snubbish side are screaming the word ‘UNFAIR’ to even give it “my shot”. 

Simply put, “if others are getting away from it, what the hell will I run after it?’.

Ahhh, but I happen to be born with the stupidity called “kindness”… leadership because noone else will, sealed lips because it was not worth taming the wild, blind eyes because there was no use seeing the ugly over the beauty of those who have sprung from out of nowhere, voice of authority when the situation calls for it because things need to be in order from time to time and very poor hearing so I will not be able tio listen to the unwise remarks by people who does not even know what they are talking about, moreover, does not even know whether they have the right to say anything at all.

That being said, surely will let you know why I would rather watch the grass grow than head another event for unruly herd. Nope, I am not insane yet.

( Joneil, tampo ako sayo non, hirap na hirap ako sa Math, pinakopya mo yung iba ng exact answers, ako binigyan mo ng formula! )

Sagot: ” Ha?! Di ko na tanda ‘yon! Eh kayang kaya mo naman yon, bakit ko pa ibibigay ang sagot.  Alam ko namang matalino ka.” - Joneil

( Maraming salamat at naging kapamilya kita! )

(on stay-at-home moms)

” So what kung nasa bahay lang ako? Masaya naman ako! Nde ko kelangan magpakahirap gaya ng ibang tao.” - AJ ng Batangas

(on friendship)

” Di mo naman kelangan mag-explain sa mga tao. Ang importante wala kang dinadagasan. Andito lang ako mare kung kelangan mo ng makakausap.” - AJ ng Batangas

( san ka pa?!)

( May kaibigan pa ba akong natitira? Para kasing solo na ako sa mundo?)

” Ay! Di ba counted ang greet ko? Happy Mother’s day sis! Sana talagang ok ka na.”- Mama Bear

(S’yanga naman! Thanks for reminding me, I am surrounded by wonderful people like you.)

“Ang buhay ay pasarapan hindi pahabaan.” - Daimos

“Kapag puro problema lang iniisip mo, isang parte lang ng utak mo ang gumagana.” - astig na Daimos

( Hayaan mo… i will keep it in mind, Maraming salamat sa lahat ng motivation.)

“But I guess I now realized how strong I am because it has been the only choice I had.”- Dark Horse ng batch namin

( You become what you wanna be if you work on it. You are the perfect example of that.)

As if its not already bad as it is now, I had a terrible dream about someone who has been occupying my mind a lot lately. In my dream, he sent me a note telling me that he might have led me to conclude that he likes me. He was apologetic to the fact that I have shown my interest thinking that it has been reciprocated all these times. The hand-written letter spoke of too much hurtful things, most of which was the fact that no one else was to be blamed other than me. I know. It’s just a dream… and dreams are by-product of our thoughts, unspoken, unconscious, subconscious, whatever! Nonetheless, it has affected me so much.

To make it worse, he also bid goodbye to me in the letter. ..telling me that he was already leaving for another country and will be there for what sounded to be eternity. Total madness! As if not being liked ain’t cruelty yet, now ,I will be completely dumped in my dream. Heavens forbid!This is what I call torture without a chance to defend myself because nightmares simplyy wont let you. Before I even got to the last part of the letter, a crocodile appeared out of nowhere. It was probably about 4 feet long and ready to jump my bones any time I blink my eye. He was already sniffing my flesh and I was sending signal to my housemates to run for their lives while I think of a way to deceive the reptile.

I guess I am not afraid of monstrous creatures…. but I am more afraid of the monster lurking within me. This monster had been not been very good in protecting me, in building walls against people who will hurt me whether intentionally or not. My own monster had pulled me down and failed me again. Oh, too much headache… I can’t bear it no more!

it took me half a day before finally deciding to take this medicine

I learned that some of my friends lost their job. This is not very unusual but a very sad news. I consider myself lucky that I get to stay home and still go to work despite the many hassles that surround me. I even thank God for not putting me into a kind of job that requires making sure that the Pepsi bottle forms to the right shape. Not only is it something that I do not see myself ever doing, it is a no-brainer job that I will never attempt to apply for if it would be the last job on Earth.

To prepare for the worse or the best to come, for whatever the future holds for me, I have started my plan of making my own business. Three weeks ago, I intended to run it on time but the bank just suck big time. They kept me waiting for my Paypal account code which up to now is in the middle of nowhere and God knows when will I get it. If I were to rely on luck, I’d probably just end up with squat. So today, as I write this blog, I have the list of to-dos on the other side of my brain. Hence, both of it running for the better of me. That alone makes me happy. It tells me that I am alive despite getting stuck on this cushioned chair dedicated to make half of my day comfy.

Anyway, I had a chit chat with Michelle yesterday coz I was on a really good mood. Michelle and I had a strained relationship due to the fact that I do not like Joyce and hate her second to the evil that is Lenneth. ( I know you are reading this my special friend. You are now famous. I mentioned you again. ) Michelle, according to Gresh,  is doing a good job running their business that enables her to go places and I admire her so much for it. Again, another job that does not require staring on bottle formation. With the help of my trusted friends , I know that mine will do just as great. I dont plan to go big time in a snap as I am afraid to lose more for something I have worked for with sweat and blood. For now, I am happy to save money and have a meaningful life at the same time while I am guided by these two meaningful proverbs.

“If you lost all your friends, and all else just seem to be fucked up, there is more reason to rebuild a new life because you have just emptied a space for a better you”. - true blood

“If you know better, you do better.” - Lenneth,  Pepsi worker

Cheers for the motivation. Thank you for all the help. You know who you are.

A friend of mine told me today how one’s life is so precious, it will be such a waste to spend it just sitting down and watching tv. It immediately sent me to tears remembering the number of times I had to warn Jaggy of not going out too much even if it would mean she had to cut down on gimmicks with friends who are not really worth keeping. I was  very afraid that it will someday take a toll on her and I prayed it wouldn’t.

A few months before she died, she finally listened … but that was when was taken from me. And I wondered if my prayers fell short of reinforcement because I loved her dearly but she was just taken too early in life. Now I feel almost similarly as to that time before she got killed and I am trying my best not to be paranoid about it. I just cannot bear the thought of losing people who are dear to me.

Being in a very complicated set-up with a baby to take care and look after made me think how life can be so hateful at times. Even if I want to listen to such advice, it just does not sound possible in my case nor does it even sound the right thing to do if I were to live my life alone. At least not right now. How can one enjoy a life when somebody depends on it and others feel I will dedicate mine to make theirs worth living to the end?

I am imprisoned…. there is no doubt about it. Imprisoned by Joseph, by someone else and all the effing people who think they deserve to be treated like royalty. I wont. I will live my life the way I want it someday… when I am stable enough to carry more loads than my own baggage, when I can feed more than what my body requires me and  when I can finally say ” hey stupid, you are not my effing son so go f*ck yourself!” ( I already said that once “for Joyce C.” through a text sent to Darlene and I will not be afraid to say it again to morons like her.)

I know, these words are trashy but I dont wanna hold my mouth for whatever any person want to think or say. I am tired of pleasing people. Hateful of letting them have their way… I hate them.. and the only few people I love more than my son are no longer with me so there is no point of of standing up to live life yet…. but I will. I surely will.

The weeks that passed have been overly strange and annoying.

When Jaggy passed away, there was only one person from her “other” circle of friends” that I talk to…. it was Gresh. I have come to like her since she came over with Jaggy on Gabby’s second birthday. I have a very high opinion of her and I always see her in my visions of tomorrow. Myabe because I know how clearly she thinks and how smart a person she is. She is strong and admirable. Then came Darlene who I am very fond of. It’s like taking care of Jaggy’s younger sister. She immediately added to my future plans. An oath I that I seem to take every once in a while.

Through those times I was in mourning, people pop in and out of my accounts to introduce themselves and to let me know they are friends of Jaggy. After a while, they think I can be friends with them, too.

Its really weird when people assume that. My huuugggeee love for Jaggy, is never the same for any of her friends. Not even Gresh. Because love takes time to grow. This is what Jaggy and I learned … and this is what kept our friendship burning until now. I just know that Gresh and Darlene will always be a part of my life regardless of the :”strange situation we sometimes go through”. This will go through the test of time and will be made solid.

Yet, an assumption that I can be friends with everybody elese in ther account is WRONG! Sorry.

It took me some weeks to analyze… how i really should react and what i oughta be doing. My dearest friend have left me somethings and personal valuables i was not really sure how to take care of…..

I think I pretty much did more than she could have expected … and did it wholeheartedly it stabbbed me so hard when i realized it didnt love me back as i thought it would.

At first, i tried to stay away to thinking how badly it hit me. I thought, this is not about me… its about them … for her. But she’s gone and even if she were alive, she wouldnt have wanted me to endure this shit.

So you see there is where my confusion started…. where does friendship start and when do you really qualify a relationship as friendship?  Do you get hurt over petty things like being left out by people u haven’t really met and considered your friends? You don’t cry over it. You cry because u made effort  for this so-called friendship that has not been materialized and yet and it was all disregarded.

I thought it over and gave it all consideration i could give…. but never made me feel good. Why must I ? We are NOT even friends.

Writing this article does not mean I am a health expert, I just happened to find out some helpful facts.

A lot of people and doubting Thomases have been amazed and have not gone over the curiosity regarding my weight loss. I can’t blame them as I ,too, am still overwhelmed. It is not because I could not shed the pounds but because I was able to do it without much exercise nor diet. By using the word MUCH, I mean, I still did both , however, I did put too much effort in doing so.

Without futher ado,  I am now sharing with you tips that would have made me a couple of hundreds richer, if not only for the silly generosity I sometimes possess. ( hahahahah )

Actually it is not much of a secret. It is the Del Monte Fit and Right juice   that has been out in the market for about a year now. Whenever I reveal my secret though, there are a few who would raise their eyebrows and even let a nasty comment ” DI NAMAN TOTOO YAN!” and walks out for a number of reasons which I have given a thought as well:

1. They tried it and it really did not work for them.

2. They did not try it at all because they do not believe in the prduct anyway.

3. They might have thought that I went through the knife or had liposuction for losing 20 pounds in 4-6 months.

( I was 136 pounds on May of 2008 and dropped to 118 lbs by September. I am now 115 pounds at the time I am blogging , January 29, 2000, but I tend to go back to 120 pounds when I start pigging out. It’s just yoyo syndrome.. what’s important is I now know how to drop the weight again.)

4. Lastly, they have other things to use their hard-earned money on.

Again, I do not blame them. I only want to share what was effective on  me and what I have found out about this product. SO here it goes.

The key ingredient of Fit and Right is L-carnitine. Upon doing a google, I discovered that there are different classes of it and there is no actual amount or dosage to take that has been recommended yet nor any side effects. The reason therefore that Del Monte suggested three bottles of it is because of the sugar it contains. You get 22 grms of sugar per serving… that is if you buy the plastic bottle. Yes, there are nutrional differences between the canned and the bottled juice. If i go on the list, I am sure that you will just get bored. So to sum it up, the can has more sugar, more vitamins BUT less fiber if no fiber at all. Not to mention that it contains less juice than the bottled one. That is actually the reason I am taking the cheaper, bottled juice.

Going back to L-carnitine. This, my friends, does not make you lose pounds. It just HELPS you lose it IF and WHEN after drinking the juice, you commit yourself to 30 minute rigorous activity. Otherwise, the sugar will work like an appetizer that makes you eat , eat and eat… which, of course, what makes us all fat.  Upon reading the label, I also learned that the maker of this product, contrary to what others might have thought,  did not actually cheat anyone… It is the visual images on TV that makes us dream to shed the excess fat in a snap of a finger and has blocked our hearing from knowing the important facts about Fit and Right.

Some say that they did not exercise at all and yet they lost weight upon drinking Fit and Right. Please do not be deceived. Non-mobility will not make you lose weight unless you are starving yourself.The reason though that I mentioned exercising earlier in this blogs is because it is the key to slimming into a GOOD SHAPE.  This is where my guilt lies. Since I do not like sit-ups, I lost more fats on areas where there should be and retained some fats on my belly.

It also helps that you change your diet. Yes, you may still eat sweets and red meat if you want if only you know when to stop and make sure you do not eat sweet stuff on a daily basis.  Another thing I have learned is to count calories. Believe me, I hate counting ,too! LOL…  However, we all must know that we should be eating 1500 calories per day as suggested by the experts. Everytime you eat 500 calories less, you lose a couple of pounds a week. Did I just make you think of getting the habit of reading the back label? Good! You are on the right track.

Lastly, you MUST drink water. Do not make this juice a replacement. Since it is too sweet, you will need more pure water to replenish your body as it dries you up ( especially girls, if you know what I am talking about… ) making you prone to urinary tract infection.

See? It’s not so bad. 3 bottles of Fit and Right, At least 6-8 glasses of water, a 30-minute walk or room cleaning, fish, chicken, vegetables… and less sugar. That is really all you need.
P.S.

Please do not think I am just showing off as it is the least of my intentions. I am still afraid of gaining weight because it is in my genes.  I just want to help people overcome their insecurity which was what I have experienced during the times I weighed heavier than I should. Also, I am writing this while taking care of my 2-yr old so I might have forgotten other details. Do not hesitate to ask. ;)  Hope this helps.

at 60 kilos