They would probably never know how much I love you. Oftentimes, I wonder, do they really know how it feels to lose someone dear to you? If they do, why aren’t they letting me grieve as much as I want to. I miss you so much Jaggy.

Goodbye Jaggy. We will be okay. Just let me grieve for now because I miss you so much and I love you.

Lord make me brand new…

For only to you I will give my all!

   
Its been two years since a friend was reported missing after a cyclone hit his place. I reckon the news flash showing a lot of people getting hurt by that calamity and I shivered from the thought that he was there at that time. I didn’t know what happened to him but I didn’t wanna go out of my way to ask people. Somehow, I was hoping he was fine.
     Months have passed, I did not receive a single hello from him… yet, I could not accept the fact that there is a possibility he might have have been one of them. I waited… as a good friend I have always been to him.
     He was there to support me when I was in a dessert of fire. He did take care of me and loved me… but I ended up loving him just as a friend as I finally decided to have a family. He eventually found new strength in being alone.
      Finally, after 2 years… I said hello. Hoping that my mails would reach him so he can tell me he is okay. I wanted to tell him I was getting married…. that he should meet the man who promised to take care of me just like how he did before… that was our vow… to let each other know we were doing just fine and that we’ve found happiness in life that we both clamored for…but my mails came back. There is no sign he is still alive… and I feel so guilty that I did not say a prayer for him 2 years ago.

      Unlike my mails, I hope  that this prayer will reach you.

My friend, at the time I am writing this, I am no longer getting married but I do hope that wherever you are God will bless your soul for being such a wonderful person that you were. Trust me, I will be okay….

Thank you for all those years you have supported me,

for the times you listened to my woes,

for the chances you took just to ask how me and my son were doing,

for the many things you have said just to keep my spirit alive,

for wishing me goodness in life despite me turning my back on you….

and for being a good friend until the very last time.

Lord, I am on my knees asking You to forgive him for all his shortcomings and for whatever he has left undone that You might have asked of him. Please, take care of those people he have left behind. Lord, please, bless his soul. I ask you all these in the name of Your son, Jesus Christ…
     Amen.

     A friend of mine came to visit my son for his birthday. Her and I have been friends since we were officemates some 2-3 years ago. Although it is still pretty short to claim it a well-founded friendship, I am convinced our relationship is one that would last our whole lives.

     Just like the last time we had a good talk, Starfish ( thats my pet name for her) and I always gossip about the people we’ve worked with back in PS, our previous company. Aside from family, our ex-officemates are our favorite "pulutan". hahaha Unlike many others, ours has always been a constructive discussion on what have happened to the lives of our former colleagues. As a matter of fact, I feel so happy for most of them. They have already found their partners, some has gone abroad for a greener pasture and some has stepped up to a higher position in the company. We always wish people to move on and prosper. And I wish my friend the same.

     You see, Starfish never had a bf. Worse, she is not even open to the idea and she’s already my age. I love her so dearly that I pray she finds herself a man she could spend her whole life with. I am sure there is someone out there who is bound to hold her hands and whisper sweet nothings to her ears… but she just doesn’t like to get involve with someone…. not even go out for a friendly date. I told her so many times… she must have a family. Someone who will take care of her when she gets old and gray. Someone who will make her soup when it gets chilly. Someone who she will get cozy with. I know, I am getting so romantic… but I can’t help it. I want her to experience how it is to fall in love… to be in a relationship… to have someone who loves you… NO MATTER WHAT.

    I guess, it’ll still take some time. No matter how much I press this issue, it is still her that would decide her fate. Our lives are almost entirely different now. Somehow, I feel like I have stepped farther away not only in distance but in tasting reality and its beauty. I now have family who supports me, a family that cares for me,t hat makes me so happy and a family that I am totally in love with.

     Maybe, I am just not understanding her choice. Maybe I am just afraid for her. But she is right somehow. She is in a status that is so clear. She loves what she’s doing and she is not tied up to someone who might not even be deserving of her and worse, might be loving someone else. And i could not disagree with that.

    Well such is life… we all must know what we want and be happy with it. Moving on…

Swaying room as the music starts

Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Cant you feel the weight of my stare
Youre so close but still a world away
What Im dying to say, is that

Chorus:

Im crazy for you
Touch me once and youll know its true
I never wanted anyone like this
Its all brand new, youll feel it in my kiss
Im crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath Im deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, youll see

(chorus)

Its all brand new, Im crazy for you
And you know its true
Im crazy, crazy for you

We have expected the Chami Festival today. Much to my dismay, it won’t be  up until the 28th. Wrong announcement mother. Tsk. tsk. I was really excited about it. In fact, I had my hair done again and this time, I had protein treatment. Uhuh, my goal is to keep my hair as beautiful as I can make it. I don’t want people saying

" sure ka ba nagpaparlor ka?"

haha. or

"buhay pa ba ang baklang chumever ng wig mo?"

or worse 

" girl, nagtapon ka lang ng pera, wala pa rin kwenta ang buhok mo… gusot pa rin!".

     Since my hairstylist was not available, I got Melody to take care of my straight, shiny hair.

Again, she advised me NOT to wash my hair for 3 days. Nooo way! GRRR!!! I said 2 days and that’s it. I really couldn’t stand unwashed hair. So I sat there, got it fixed , got my nails polished and best of all had a back massage… wow! that was really good.

We had lunch at Buddy’s. Sizzling chicken, sisig with egg and palabok. Yum! yum! Then we got home by 2pm.

     At five, we were already out and was wandering at the downtown. They have the "banderitas" up, there are a lot more stalls now and they are closing Quezon Avenue for the Luchina festival. Its not so bad after all. I thought the rain is going to ruin the day but the Sta. Cruzan  was able to run the whole downtown. It was soooooo extravagant. There were beautiful ladies in their colorful native gowns. The details of their costumes were really unique and interesting. They were all nice looking and very friendly. We were able to sit down and have coffee with the stars. And i mean actors and actresses who joined the parade.I took a few pictures of my nanny next to the stars she liked because i am not so much of a fanatic. Nevertheless, they were very friendly and proactive in offering to have their shots taken. No thank you. Hehehe. I just want to have my cafe latte.Being close to the mayor and his family is worth it. You get the best seat and the best treatment. Tito Ramon , the mayor, and his wife even invited us on Saturday. Not really sure what’s on Saturday but i bet it will be quite an activity to remember.

Ahhh… another day has passed. I always forget to write the things I do everyday but it gets to be a lot more wonderful as the time passes by , I just get blown away. I’m sure it will be better and better… but I am so thankful I am having the best time of my life.

     Y
ey! After the longest time of doing the chacha over rebonding my hair or not.. i finally did it. yahoo!!!! Six freaking butt-hurting hours, considering the warning of not eating noodles.. hahaha! Since the dawn of the Rapunzel long shiny hairs, I have always battled against undergoing any treatment for my hair. My usual excuse, "maganda ang hair ko noh!". true! I loved my hair, it was not that smoothly straightened and bouncy but had natural curls.
I didn’t have to go to the salon. I color my own hair once in a blue moon and I had the least maintenance for it. I only go to salon to have it cut once in a while. But i have always wondered, would that style fit me right? How would i look like if i got that kind of hairstyle?

     So Thursday last week, I went to the parlor as motivated by my buddy. "eto na, kaya ko ba to?" (pertaining to the long stretch i have to endure waiting for the dresser to fix my hair). I asked them how much it’d cost me. 1,550 for the rebond and another grand for the cellophane. whatttt???? of course i throw a lot of money in restaurants, buy a dozen of bags and pairs of shoes but goodness! "I can cut my own hair thank you!" was what i told them. My buddy burst into laughter. After a few more convincing, i was already shampooed and my hair was covered with Loreal power dose cheverloo.. whatever that was! The result… ok lang. not exactly what i was expecting. They said that if i have the cellophane it will be nicer..

So today, i went back and had it done.
" wow! ok nga ah!" … "ganda" .. now i can  go on doing the step-forward, step-backward dance of the wowowee girls and say " WALANG AW .. SA PAU!"  ( it is a lil hurting to my ears!)… eeewwww!!!

     2550 and 200 pesos tip! I think its all worth it. I am not sure am gonna keep it this way. As i have said, i like my old hair and i had no problem with it. Just had to know how it feels to have this kind of hair. Maybe next time, I’d keep my money. …. NOT!

Sa birthday ng anak ko… i’m thinking baka magpakain ako sa mga bata. Yung mga batang kalye na parang hindi man lang nakakakain ng maayos sa umaga. Solong apo siya kaya walang masyadong kalaro si Gabby, walang children’s party for him. So anyway, to celebrate his birthday and make it a bit memorable.. baka magluto kami ng something for the other kids. It is our way of sharing our blessings. huwag na kayong magdala ng gift para kay Gab… help lang ang kelangan namin as early as 5 A.M. para makaluto agad. Then after ng feeding session, saka tayo mag luau party. Hay.. kaka-excite naman. So, May 29— kita kita tayo ha!

     Hahaha. Masyado akong busy para jan. Miss ko na ang iba kong friends. Musta na kaya sila? Haayyy… I’m super busy pero sobrang saya. syempre, fiesta na naman. Madaming raket. madaming obligasyon. Pero enjoy naman.

     Malapit na akong magba-bye sa friendster.. kung hindi man, hindi rin ako active. Ano namang gagawin ko dito kundi magcheck ng nagview sa akin at kung may naligaw na sulat naman minsan, wala rin akong interest na basahin. sowee! sabi ko naman senyo, lipat na kayo sa Multiply. Saya nga don eh… kahit anong gawin mo, binibisita pa rin page mo… humihirit pa nga yung isa. Pano ba naman na- bull’s eye sa stress reliever activity ko. So ‘yan, pag may nagsabing "panget", wag kayong magrereact kung nde kayo yun. Lesson number 1 yan ha. hahahah. Lesson number 2. Kapag sinabing ikaw yon.. wag ka ng mangdamay.. ikaw lang talaga yun.hahaha

     Anyway, i came across a site that featured a man that has done the most evil thing on earth. Grabe! Akala ko na ako na ang pinakawalanghiya. May tumalo pa. Haha. This guy has locked up his own daughter at the basement, for more than a decade. She gave birth to 7 kids.. one of which has died. My reaction was.. "hayup talaga!" How can such a person do this to his own daughter? Ang kapal! Wala ng pwesto sa hell yan… bukod sa occupied ko na yon …ibang level sya. Haha!
     I thought, ano kaya yung magsisi ‘tong lalakeng to and ask God for forgiveness, mapapatawad kaya siya? Siguro hindi noh? But I can only guess. I am not God. Hindi nga ako nagpepretend na mabait. I try to.. but I never claim to be. I am not saying I can’t.. Sa totoo lang, madali lang naman yon… mas mahirap to sustain it. So everyday, I call myself the bad girl… pero syempre it is the opposite that I try to do.So pag time is up na, kami na ni Lord ag bahala don. May usapan na kami. haha. At wag kang sasabat… kay sister ka na lang magpaliwanag. Mas bilib ka naman don.

Ah syanga pala, I am writing this page para sa iisang tao. Don sa avid fan ko na walang sawang sumunod sa accounts ko. Hindi ko sya friend kaya wala sya sa friendster ko. Hindi ko sya enemy dahil sa totoo lang… wala naman talaga akong care sa kanya. Isa syang… past time. Entertainment. robot. isang test. pag pinindot mo ang cry button: umiiyak, yung anger button: galit na galit.. delete button: tanggal ang sinulat. Kapag nag feed ka ng pang -asar.. ang tindi ng drama. hahaha. In short, walang utak. puro emosyon lang talaga.. tapos sasabihin masaya sya. hahaha. kawawa di ba? O ayan.. bad ako today… pero hindi ko tatanggalin tong blog na to. may magagawa ba ako eh sa talagang tatanga tanga sya. Kung hindi bukas, sa future malamang pagsisihan ko to. bad nga di ba? Pero hindi ko pa rin dedelete tong blog na to. reminder ko sa akin na bad ako.. reminder ko sa kanya na tanga sya… bahala na kung sino ang unang magbago. hopefully ako.. dahil nde naman ako nakapikit ng ginagawa ko to. O sya nga pala, sinusundan din kita.. exciting kasi.. silent war… yun nga lang talo ka. ikaw kasi ang nagpapadala! so next time, gising na ha?
    

http://cereilah.multiply.com/journal/item/65/Get_them_out_the_street

Three
months ago, a friend of mine who has migrated to Australia told me she
will be coming to the Philippines for a project. I was very excited
because I have heard of her good deeds. She has been teaching kids for
13 years now. She gathers kids who are not able to go to school and
help them read and write. She does her best to get kids off the streets
and away from trouble.Even when she goes to Australia, she makes sure
someone else will continue the lessons every Saturdays.    

   
Before she came back, she asked me if I could help her lift blocks. i
thought she was kidding. I found out that she and her churchmates are
planning to build a little classroom for the kids she’s been helping.
Having no affiliation to any organization and is not even a project of
her church, she needs volunteers for the construction of the classroom.
I told her I couldnt lift a stone if it will save my life because of my
fractured arm, but I could teach the kids and maybe prepare snacks for
the kids and the workers. So this afternoon, we met and I saw what
she’d been talking about all the time. You should see how wonderful the
kids are. I committed myself to helping them as much as I could.    

   
I realized though that we will be needing more help. These kids do not
even have pencils and pads. No books. No nothing except the old ones
theyve been using for years and its not even enough to provide all 200
and more students that Ronalyn has been gathering. Poor kids. Anyway, I
am very sure God will provide. And I plan to ask friends if they could
give me their old books, toys, etc for these kids. I always believe
that one’s junk is another’s treasure.

   
On May 24, the kids will have their recognition day and will have a
program. There will be a short parade of the kids which they do every
now and then. (They call it "kids rally"). I am very excited to be part
of this project and it might keep me busy for the whole month until my
classes start on June. I will be posting pictures of these kids and
hopefully things will be better for them.